What to Do with Disappointment

My daughter just finished two days of high school volleyball tryouts. Her goal was to make the sophomore team.  The coaches said they would post teams yesterday evening. My daughter spent the rest of her afternoon and evening in anticipation of the results.  She checked her phone every five minutes and did not let it leave her side. She wanted to know the instant the teams were posted. 

When they finally posted the teams at 10:15 pm, she found that she did not make the sophomore team as she had hoped. She did make the freshman team and my husband and I went up to her room to congratulate her.  She did not want to be congratulated. She was understandable disappointed. She had expectations that were not met.

Looking back now on last night, I see that I wanted her to move past the disappointment and get to happy.  I didn’t want her to have to feel the disappointment.  I wanted her to see that she had worked hard and made a team.  I wanted her to just be happy about that.  

There will be disappointment in life.  You will have expectations that are not met. You might end up on a team you didn’t want.  You might have expectations of yourself of others that aren’t quite up to the standard you had hoped. Learning to acknowledge the disappointment and why it is there is vital in moving forward.

I did my daughter a disservice by not teaching her in that moment that disappointment is okay and part of her experience here on earth.  Of course she was disappointed, she wanted something but didn’t get it.  That is exactly how I was feeling too - disappointment that she didn’t make the team she wanted.  I wanted us all to be happy and not have to feel that.

Here is what I will do in the future and teach my daughter to do as well: Allow the disappointment.  It is a skill you have to learn and practice. Open up to it.  Move toward it. Know that you can handle the disappointment (or whatever emotion is coming up).  It is just a vibration in your body. 

Please don’t do what I just did with my daughter and brush it away to get to happy.  Don’t resist the emotion which only causes more tension.  Be willing to open up and let it in.  I will be willing to let myself feel the disappointment that comes when your daughter doesn’t make the team she hoped. I will be open to allowing her to feel her own emotions without trying to change them.  I will keep learning.  I will keep practicing.

You can feel disappointment.  You might be disappointed in the way you have handled things in the past.  I get it, you have expectations with the way you think it should go, but then it doesn’t happen.  It’s okay to feel disappointment in yourself.  Learn from it, move toward it and let it in.  That is how you get through it and on to becoming who you want to be.

If you are feeling like you need help with allowing emotions or processing disappointment.  I want to help.  Send me message here or here and we can connect. Or email me at kat@coachingwithkat.com